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Intimate love relationships start with romantic love

  Falling in love is a many splendored thing.  Indeed it is so wonderful it can be addictive.  While the heart seems to be fuller, beat harder, swell at the thought of a new love there really isn't much going on in the heart that isn't controlled by the brain. Here's how it works.  As soon as the love connection is made which consciously is based on his or her body language, tone of voice, and smell and unconsciously by a recognition that is held in the limbic area of the brain, all sorts of chemicals kick in.  The brain produces neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serato...

Love wasn’t supposed to hurt

Long term love relationships are not for the faint hearted.  In the early days of the relationship romance blinds us to possible flaws in the other.  Couples feel they can not live without the other, they feel they've known each other forever and maybe even feel more whole and complete.  That's romance.  But when the neurotransmitters and hormones wear off reality strikes.  Couple begin to criticize one another, they become disillusioned and frustrated.  Communication becomes nearly impossible and couples find themselves either nagging and clinging, or shutting down and distanced the...

The Purpose of Intimate Love Relationships

In previous newsletters I spoke about self-love and the importance of esteeming one's self so that the love for others is real.  Today's newsletter has to do with the purpose of love of another in intimate relationships...the married kind, or the living together kind, or the love-between- two-individuals-who-share-their-lives-in-anyway kind. I guess assigning a purpose to love makes it seem less romantic, but romantic love is a temporary state of confusion.  Doesn't last.  It's followed by disillusion and disappointment. No, real love is abiding, it is purposeful.  And there is a reason...

Three Little Words

Dear Reader: Those three little words, I LOVE YOU, often offer empty promises or come with multiple strings attached. Often, they are conditional. When I'm sitting with couples I ask them if they love each other. I ask him, and he says with tears in his eyes, YES. I ask her and she looks at him lovingly and echoes his response....YES. By the end of the session, wherein they have blamed, criticized, judged and guilt their partner, I remind them that LOVE is simply not enough to keep a marriage (relationship) together. When I learn their history I find out that he walks away from her ...